Not My Blog
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Just be yourself! Except at work, or out in public anywhere that may have you opening your mouth. Once again, something I said in complete innocence (really!) was misinterpreted by someone who can cause quite an upheaval in my life. An employer, in other words. I accept that the problem is mine -- that despite a few similar missteps in the past, I still manage to drop a clanger here and there. The problem with thinking before speaking is that it's the same old brain doing the damn thinking. I've come to terms with being quite dim at times, despite my best intentions, but I suppose it's unrealistic to expect others to accept my flaws readily.
What it does, each time it happens to me, is make me more forgiving of my dear old Dad, Mad Melvin. For a smart man, Dad drops the most amazing bombs at times, precisely because what he says sounded good to him, and therefore he couldn't see any reason not to say it. Meanwhile, horror, shock, outrage, etc., among the listeners.
Self-acceptance: I accept that I am an occasional bonehead. I accept that I may just have to get used to apologizing profusely for stuff that I can't believe has upset another person, especially someone whom I thought knew me better than that -- i.e., knew that I wouldn't intentionally give offence without very good reason. But even the oldest friends are still prone to human frailties, and everyone has sore spots. Which, apparently, I can tapdance upon without knowing. DAMN.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Happy Christmas, or as I tend to call it, December 25. Spending another one on my own, here in Renton, WA, on cousin Les's farm. I'm going to drive into Bellevue in a couple of hours to take a noon yoga class. That, I guess, is my new Christmas tradition: getting drenched with sweat and then heading home to overeat.
Many things fermenting in the cranium. Almost too many to set down in one entry. I don't want to give up on this blog, because it's been such a good tool over the last 12 years. I think blogs are far more useful than most fart-in-the-wind social media. Just as a diary was better for recording thoughts than phoning them to people.
Many things to be thankful for: family. True friends. The refreshing perspective of middle age. And a body that is always willing to forgive the brain's missteps. By the way, thanks to the workouts and the yoga, I'm getting quite nice arm and back muscles. I would never have credited this body for being able to look good, and yet: she look good.
I have a half-hour or so before I have to leave for yoga. What to do, in the spirit of the season? VACUUM.
Wednesday, June 06, 2012
I Talk Too Much. I've taken two consecutive morning yoga classes where the instructors talked incessantly, start to finish. One woman allowed three quiet savasanas in the Floor Series. Today's instructor had *one*. Slowly Enlightening Jane is honest enough to admit that she, too, yips on far too much when teaching. As a student, I'd like to have more silent savasanas in order to check in with my body. SO! New Rule: whenever possible, talk only in the first savasana in a posture, and stay silent in the second savasana.
Maybe this will also help me finish classes ahead of time, and, heh, prevent terse e-mails from studio owners who don't always love what I have to say.
This week's yipping teachers made it clear: don't talk, teach. In fact, if I ever open a studio, I'm calling it Bikram Yoga Shuttup.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
3 Signs That You Do Not Know How to Drive in a Traffic Circle/Roundabout:
1. You think there are alternating rights of way at all entrances to the circle.
Heresy, here. I can't believe how monumentally bored I am with "Game of Thrones." I know that most fantasy fiction isn't to my liking, with some notable exceptions (Pullman, particularly). So I accept that the fault is mine, not the book's. But sword sword dwarf fight wolf dress sword sex BLAH BLAH FREAKIN' BLAH.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Yeah, yeah. "The Hunger Games." I had heard about this young adult book series when I was still living on the RR and had access to a great many authors for free. A housemate had an audio copy of THG, but I came across a hard copy last summer. The first instalment was quite readable, even with its "and-then-what-happened," or basic, plot line. I decided to give the whole trilogy a try, despite hearing Howie T's voice in my head: "Why do these things always come in THREES?" So I downloaded the second and third books, and commenced to read. I was disappointed. Just like the Mormon vampire books, the first was okay, and the subsequent books dwindled into the basic formula of "I like two guys and they really like me, and I know I have to choose, but . . . like, this is such a hard choice, you know?" Blah, blah, blah. Is it me, or is everything turning into goddamned Facebook? Go ahead and post about what you wore and how hot that dude was, but don't publish the damn thing and call it literature. And no, I don't think I'll spend $20 to see THG in 3D. I'll be off now to kick at a puppy and drive the neighbours mad with the squeaks of my rocking chair on the porch.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
2011: Hit Rewind. Far from my best year. In fact, one of the tougher years of my life. It has been the year of heartbreak and setback. Currently I'm farm-sitting formy cousin L. in Washington state, with lots of time to reflect on the past year. Here it is in a nutshell: The oldest friendship of my life came to a sudden end in July, coupled with a move away from the farm. I was asked to leave the farm and given manifold family reasons as to why such a difficult decision was necessary. This was hard, and it has not been easier over the first few months as I realized that (a) the reasons were spurious, and (b) this decision was apparently made at least a year prior to the fateful day in July when I got the notice to leave. I suppose a more detective brain than mine might have seen the signs over the intervening months, but at any rate, I didn't. So: friendship over.
Forgiveness? Oh, no problem. I have forgiven the old friend, the co-instigator of my expulsion from my new home. I understand why this person did what she did. But I do not want to be around anyone who could do such a thing. Good people can do bad things and still be good people. I still don't want to be around the ones who've purposely done a bad thing to me.
But the real heartbreak was Piper's death at the end of September. I am haunted by her final moments still, and I miss her terribly. I almost feel like one of Philip Pullman's characters who's had her daemon severed. Yep, I know: Piper was a dog, not a human. But in terms of losing a loved one, well. I've had beloved dogs die before, but none as much a part of my life as the varmint Pipes.
Setbacks: work. There are many yoga teachers in greater Victoria. Being an older teacher, one who is still a big-framed peasant, is a disadvantage. Growing this career, if I decide to do so, may require relocation in addition to the ongoing quest for muscle tone. I just want to make this decision based on my own goals, not because my life has been fucked over this year and I want to run as far away as possible.
I know I'm still one of the luckiest people on this planet, even as unhappy as I currently am. My father and brothers have been supportive in their way. My remaining friends have been steadfast and kind. So what did I learn? That even people you think you can trust forever can prove to be merely human and prone to fucking up colossally and irretrievably. Someone who's made as many missteps as I have over the decades shouldn't be surprised when others make them.
Summary: bad year. What's important is not to consider that the past three years were a terrible mistake and waste of time, and that I should never have tried something new. Miles Davis said there are no mistakes. There was no guarantee of untrammelled happiness. If I'm to continue, then I have to look beyond the inevitable heartbreaks of life. People overcome heartbreak and loss. But I will not apologize for calling the events of 2011 heartbreaks or setbacks. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm feeling bad because shitty things have happened. I hope this feeling will pass and my flame will stop sputtering and once again burn brightly. Still, only a few more hours left in 2011. Thank fuck.
Thursday, October 06, 2011
Easy to Love. Piper was a shy puppy. I picked her up from a farm when she was four months old, and she was solemn and reserved. She perked up when we got to Jean's farm, with Doc and Diesel rocketing around her. That evening, she quietly curled up at my feet and slept profoundly after the day's events. She waggled her stubby bum in her sleep as I scratched her and talked to her. Easy.
Copyright © 2000-2011 Jane Farries
All blandishments herein are property of the proprietor. There you go.